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The secret to a happy marriage
This article is poorly written but it does in fact present the secret to a happy marriage: "Be annoying."
The pointer is from Craig Newmark.
Posted by Tyler Cowen on May 22, 2008 at 01:11 AM in Philosophy | Permalink
Comments
I thought that, all things considered, the article, which was albeit a little kitsch, wasn’t all that bad.
Posted by: Jeff H. at May 22, 2008 3:02:04 AM
I think the essay was a thinly disguised plea for help. The wife sounds like a real shrew. He has to do a lot of groveling to appease her. Poor fellow.
Posted by: aloysius at May 22, 2008 5:49:21 AM
The article definitely sucked and the message sucked worse. An alternative and perfectly obvious interpretation is that happy marriages depend on being able to tolerate your partner's being annoying.
If the partners have low tolerance then they'll split and the set of long-lived marriages will be dominated by people with high tolerance. So if you look only at long-lived marriages, it will seem like the partners are especially annoying.
You know what else? High tolerance is both the mainstream explanation and it actually makes fucking sense. As opposed to being complete fucking nonsense.
Posted by: Richard at May 22, 2008 7:52:49 AM
So your not married, eh, Richard. Not surprised.
Posted by: Tom at May 22, 2008 8:44:34 AM
Richard is right. I'm surprised Tyler would accept the causality suggested in the title.
Posted by: Steve R at May 22, 2008 9:06:11 AM
My interpretation of the data was that if you live long enough, you will annoy the people around you.
Posted by: Cyrus at May 22, 2008 9:13:08 AM
Some people (and a number of women fall into this category) approach a relationship the way that others would approach a job. Ie, just because you're in a job doesn't mean you aren't open to better offers or moonlighting, and if the job doesn't challenge you enough you get bored and move on.
Some people are also simply drama addicts, and some want attention even in a bad way. Some relationships persist not despite petty annoyances or psychological or even physical abuse, but because of it.
Posted by: at May 22, 2008 10:19:07 AM
Aloysius,
I agree that the husband who wrote this article has to do a lot of groveling. But among the couples I know (admittedly a very small sample), this is fairly common.
Posted by: larry at May 22, 2008 10:33:20 AM
Jerry Zezima intended to be humorous, and perhaps he was. Like Jerry, I've been married for 30 years. My somewhat serious take on marriage is this:
1. All humans make mistakes. Every person will make many mistakes over 30 or 40 or 50 years - some small and some large. Forgiveness is critical for marriage survival.
2. Every couple should practice the same Golden Rule that adorns the walls of Southwest Airlines headquarters: "Treat others as you would like to be treated."
Posted by: John Dewey at May 22, 2008 11:29:05 AM
It is nice to be confirmed in my conviction that I am truly the ideal husband.
Posted by: Jens Fiederer at May 23, 2008 12:36:44 PM
After reading this article I felt that as the couple becomes older, their love towards each other becomes stronger. Hope, that's be true for all the couple.
Posted by: Alex at Jun 13, 2008 5:37:04 PM
