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When you forget someone's name
Sadly this problem plagues me more than it used to, though I never forget the location of a restaurant. Gretchen, at The Happiness Project, has a few suggestions:
1. The “I know your name, but I’m blocked” dodge:
“I keep wanting to call you "David," but I know that’s not right.”2. The “Of course I know you -- in fact, I want all your information” dodge:
“Hey, I’d love to get your card.”3. The “The tip of my tongue” dodge:
“I know I know your name, but I’m blanking right now.”4. The “You’re brilliant!” dodge:
“Wow, you have a terrific memory. I can’t believe you remember my name from that meeting six months ago. I can’t remember the names of people I met yesterday! So of course I have to ask you your name.”5. The “Sure, I remember you” dodge:
“Remind me – what’s your last name?” If you ask a person for his last name, he’s likely to repeat both names. “Doe, John Doe.”6. The “One-sided introduction” dodge:
“Hey,” you say to the person whose name you can’t remember, “let me introduce you to Pat Smith.” You introduce the two and say the name of the person whose name you remember. Almost always, the nameless person will volunteer his or her name.
I have tried asking the person how his or her name should be spelled (if the name is too simple that one can backfire), or "when you publish articles, how much of your full name do you give?"
Do you all have better ideas?
Posted by Tyler Cowen on June 17, 2007 at 04:09 AM in Sports | Permalink
Comments
I goggled you last week but could not find anything .How do you spell your full name.
Posted by: Lowrie Glasgow at Jun 17, 2007 8:40:52 AM
Bring your wife along for social encounters. They'll remember.
Posted by: arthur at Jun 17, 2007 8:55:20 AM
Some good advice: "I can't ask her now; I've already made out with her. Once you make out with a woman, you can't ask her her name."
Posted by: Hei Lun Chan at Jun 17, 2007 9:12:37 AM
How fast can you spell your name backwards?
Posted by: Jane at Jun 17, 2007 9:16:13 AM
I follow Gretchen's first suggestion: "I'm sorry, but I've forgotten your name." This turns out to work even when I say it 30 seconds after having been introduced to someone, which happens more often than I'd like. (I could say, "I didn't catch your name," but to be honest, I just wasn't paying enough attention.)
Posted by: RSA at Jun 17, 2007 9:45:18 AM
I have used this for the last 25 years, and it has never made anyone feel uncomfortable: "I'm sorry, I can't recall your name."
Posted by: chug at Jun 17, 2007 9:45:43 AM
"I'm sorry, but I've forgotten your name" works for me. It's okay for guys to forgwt a name, but women need a dodge.
Posted by: Russ Nelson at Jun 17, 2007 10:02:40 AM
since i'm awful about appropriately introducing my partner, that usually helps resolve things anyway. that and lacking quick-thinking skills, pure honesty: i'm really sorry, your name is...
Posted by: tmcgee at Jun 17, 2007 10:12:32 AM
Many years ago, my mother taught me a simple variant on #5 in your list. When you meet someone whose name you ought to remember, say "You probably don't remember me, but I'm John Smith--we met at the Jones party last week." The person to whom you are speaking will almost always reflexively (re)introduce themselves to you.
Posted by: David Hecht at Jun 17, 2007 10:40:50 AM
Err...that would be #6!
Posted by: David Hecht at Jun 17, 2007 10:41:48 AM
When I get a girl's number (but have forgotten her name), I use the spelling ploy as well. And it's natural because I am actually putting her name into my phone. Never let me down.
Posted by: John at Jun 17, 2007 11:33:13 AM
#6 is in fact recommended by the famous book on diplomatic protocol (of course I forgot the name!), and that's what we used for an international diplomatic function. (I was an aide.)
Posted by: Jack at Jun 17, 2007 12:08:48 PM
i rely heavily on #6 to make my way through this world.
Posted by: unacoder at Jun 17, 2007 12:16:14 PM
Just be sure to forget their name soon after meeting them, because if you ask at that point, they're not mad.
Posted by: Jeff Brown at Jun 17, 2007 12:45:21 PM
Man, #5 seems awfully risky. What if they only give you the last name, you're going to introduce them as "Mr. Smith" to the people you're with?
Posted by: jason voorhees at Jun 17, 2007 1:50:42 PM
I've just learned how to be really good at having conversations with people when I have no idea who they are.
(This comes up all the time for me since I'm a teacher. I've got the kids, but I'm mostly out of luck on the parents -- I feel like I'm doing well if I remember whose kid they are; names are right out. Tip for all of you who have kids: take mercy on their teachers, who probably have no idea who you are, and drop your kid's name into the first few sentences you say.)
Posted by: Andromeda at Jun 17, 2007 2:19:45 PM
i just call them by a different name
Posted by: yoyo at Jun 17, 2007 2:42:47 PM
Lifehacker had a good one, a variation on #5, which is to ask someone for his or her name, then protest, "Oh no, I knew that, I meant your last name."
Posted by: such.ire at Jun 17, 2007 3:40:15 PM
I think you always get a 5-10 minute window during which you can ask again. After that, other ploys may be necessary. It's best if you can spy the person *before* you have to talk to her. Then you can quickly flip through your cell phone list for a reminder (if you already have her number) or ask a friend who has also met her (that's what wingmen are for). If your friend has not met her, you can go with a variant of #6: get him to introduce himself directly, without your intermediation, and then report back.
Posted by: Glen at Jun 17, 2007 6:37:44 PM
I find a good technique is to ask people for an email address. It is reasonable not to remember an email address and it will usually contain enough of their real name to trigger my memory of their full name.
Posted by: Omar Wasow at Jun 17, 2007 7:38:16 PM
Ask them if their name rhymes with a part of the female body.
"Mulva?"
Posted by: Scott Carpenter at Jun 17, 2007 8:00:12 PM
You could always offer them a beer or a glass of wine, then insist on seeing some ID to verify their age. Nobody wants to be arrested for serving alcohol to a minor.
Posted by: Brad Hutchings at Jun 17, 2007 8:21:14 PM
If there's no one else around, so introductions aren't an issue, you can just talk with the person even though you don't know his or her name. Using the other person's name in a one-on-one conversation isn't even all that common.
Posted by: Peter at Jun 17, 2007 8:51:13 PM
Isn't it a sweet feeling when you remember someone's name and they don't remember yours, and they say something like "oh, I'm so bad with names"?
I can tell how much someone cares about me or remembers me though by whether or not they remember my name.
Posted by: Paul N at Jun 17, 2007 9:27:59 PM
Similar to Brad's, something I use with female peers is to make an easy pop culture reference from the early 80s and when they laugh say, "you can't possibly be old enough to get that reference, can you?" I make a big show of refusing to believe whatever age they give, and make them show me their driver's licenses. Not only do I get credit for "remembering" the name later, but serious points for flattery. Also works with gay men, but straight guys are generally sensitive about being told they look young.
Posted by: Milk for Free at Jun 18, 2007 12:35:30 AM
