Claims my Russian wife laughs at, a continuing series

"Even if you care more that we go to this event together, that is only choice at the margin.  Looking at the total summation of our time, I need you more than you need me.  Husbands need wives more than vice versa; the data on this are clear."

"I don't care how tall he is.  If you can't see the top of his [Kobe Bryant's] head, the specifications on the TV screen are causing distortion."

"Hey, I' m more efficient than you are!"