Where are the Conservatives for Bollywood?

Conservatives love to rant about the evils of Hollywood. Too much sex and violence. Inappropriate for the family. Religion gets short shrift. Fair enough, a lot of Hollywood fare isn't fit for the 13 and under crowd. Here's my question: why aren't conservative media critics rushing en masse to sing the praises of Bollywood films? Michael Medved, where are you?

Consider the following Bollywood film conventions:

1. No sex. If you're lucky, you might see some wet sari.

2. The films often revolve around finding a wonderful spouse and getting married.

3. The bigger the wedding, the better.

4. Lots of piety. Religion is *never* mocked or portrayed in a negative light.

5. Although the parents initially oppose the wedding, they usually come around and you get one big happy family.

6. The reigning queen of Bollywood, Aishwarya Rai, is such a down home gal, she still lives with her parents.

7. Lots of trips to Egypt and Switzerland. I have yet to understand this convention.

8. Cities are usually bad, twisted places with corrupt politicians. Country folk are usually more honest.

9. In more recent Bollywood films, coming to America is the way to success and is admired.

10. Tons and tons of song and dance, which is mostly about finding true love. Those who miss Broadway's glory days have much to admire.

If you haven't seen any Bollywood films, you might want to check out Lagaan, which is about resisting the British in India. It's available at most chain video rental shops. But if you want the full experience, seek out the blockbuster Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham.